i am YOUR IFA, mofos!

James Cridland

photo by James Cridland

No, seriously. I mean, seriously!

So what exactly is an IFA?

IFA stands for independent financial adviser, feel free to read up on it here. Financial planning, asset management, investment, all that Jazz.

I’ve been approached numerous times by the insurance industry urging me to join their ranks. While I’m flattered by their confidence in my ability to peddle policies, I know better. I’ve never been too keen on being a salesman and I know I’m bound for greater things.

No, I’m not a stock broker, nor do I work for a bank. Clearly I do not sell insurance.

So what’s the difference with the IFA field? Isn’t it basically glorified sales anyways?

Well, no.

As an IFA, I’m whoever you want me to be. I can do your laundry, clean your house, watch your kids, coach their little league team, cook a mean turkey for Christmas, and most of all, take extremely good care of your mula. The key is choice and neutrality. I don’t have to sell you products from a single provider, but rather, I’m able to pick from just about 80-90% of all available financial products the ones that best suit your needs and you can decide to buy or not to buy.

Yes, if your money is your kids, then I’m sort of a super nanny. They maybe naughty and bashful at times, but in my good hands, we can together watch them grow to be quite obese. That’s what asset management is all about, raising fat kids.

Best of all, I don’t take a cent of your money. My dough comes directly from the nice people from those product providers. What I do for you folks I do for free, out of the goodness of my heart, of course.

Sure, I can do pretty well.

You might be thinking to yourself, “Gee, that sounds like a load of hot air, Lehman Brothers!”

Objectively speaking, your logic is sound, but soon, I’ll explain to you why I’m your best bet when it comes to investment and how the entire finance industry can benefit from my presence.

In the mean time, be afraid, be very afraid.

I’m here to help!

Yeah, every motherfucking last one of ya!

*Special thanks to James Cridland for the flickr photo*

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4 thoughts on “i am YOUR IFA, mofos!

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